Wise Wealth Advisors

D.Muthukrishnan (Muthu), Certified Financial Planner- Personal Financial Advisor

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Transformation

Posted by Muthu on September 21, 2010

There are some who feels that my writings should be restricted to only finance. Kindly note that as a writer & blogger, I’ve freedom to write, express my opinion on other matters also. Though I can tell you that the majority of articles would pertain to investments, finance, economy etc., there would be other articles as well.

As much as I’ve freedom to write what I want, you equally have the freedom of not reading what I write. Once you look at the heading of the subject or read few lines, if it is not area of your interest, just ignore and move on.

I think I’ve fundamental right of expressing my opinion. Kamal Hassan is an atheist or at best a rationalist. Time and time again he says that. But that does not prevent believers of all castes and religions in seeing his moves. My views on God may not be agreeable to many. But that has got nothing to do with the ‘Client-Professional’ relationship. I value my freedom to think.

We don’t ask why Amitabh or Amir Khan write about many things and opinions in their blog, not only about cinema, which is their core competency. The same logic holds good for lesser mortals like me.

The fear of death, in my opinion, is the highest fear one can have. Until six months ago, I was getting tortured internally wanting this identity to continue perpetually. I observed that people who believed in heaven, Vaikunda, Kailasha or Pithruloga, where an eternally blissful life is awaiting them also want to live here and do not want to die.

What I considered to be the negative experiences in my life since the beginning of this year, which reached its climax in April, was actually a blessing in disguise.

It made me to rethink my life priorities and approach.

Just a small rewind for the sake of new readers.

I took the uncharted path of doing what I wanted to do 4 years ago in my life. There was no one, except 2 or 3, to provide support for the decision to quit a well established career in BPO industry where I was an AVP in the last assignment and to start from scratch in the area I’m passionate about.

Since I took the path of not making cold calls or soliciting business and grow the profession only through referral mode, the growth was painfully slow in the initial phase. When I started sharing and writing, my initial audience including clients, wellwishers and family were about a dozen. Today the total readers including people who visit our blog have crossed 500+ a day.

In our profession also, our growth has been exponential for the last one year. Especially since April, we’re getting business on a daily basis, compared to one or two we got every month, when we started our profession. The seeds we sowed in the first 3 years have been sprouting for the last one year.

The same goes for opportunities in Visual and Print Media. I never solicited any opportunities but Sun TV (Sun News), Jaya TV, Nanayam Vikatan (largest selling personal finance magazine in Tamilndau), Gokulam Kadhir (a ‘Dina Thanthi’ publication) which has a good reach in southern Tamilnadu were all are kind enough to recognize the potential in me and continue to provide opportunities. These opportunities also came through referrals.

I was really impressed when a senior producer from Jaya TV told me that they have decided to invite me as their guest for their morning break fast show. He told me that getting invited as a guest in any TV’s breakfast show is a good recognition. You know the response the program elicited. I was lucky.

We are now among the fastest growing individual advisors in the Chennai market, who also brings in long term quality asset, because of our quality clientele.

Coming back to April, at the height of intense physical and psychological pain, a kind of transformation happened. No, definitely lights did not glow, angels did not dance, auras did not shine brightly, forefathers did not appear and showered their blessings, and God didn’t appear and speak to me or is continuously conversing with me like he is doing with Neale Donald Walsch. God will keep talking to him as long as his books remain a best seller. I’ve read his books and I can write better than what he is writing. But I do not have the privilege of  God being the author with copyrights and royalties alone remaining with me.

The extraordinary psychological fear I had for death instantly vanished. At last I was able to come into terms with my mortality, fragility and uncertainty of life. Life does not come with any guarantees. Despite all my problems, I felt a sense of inner peace coming through the acceptance of above. I felt very light.

From then on, I’ve started accepting every day as the last in my life. Don’t think I’ve become like a vegetable .The physiological defence mechanism is working in the way it should work. If someone is going to try stabbing me, I don’t know how I will react. I may run away or over power him or who knows I may stab him back to save myself.

Neither I’ve became goody goody, extremely compassionate, with love for all. May be possible for Mother Teresa, but not for me. I can be opiniated, sceptical and irereverential. At the same time I have extraordinary gratitude to life for allowing me to enjoy the nature, spend time with people with I like, read, share, write, enjoy what I’m doing with passion and above all enjoy my being in this world etc. This opportunity is available today and I do not know about tomorrow.

I’ve only less amount of guilt and anxiety. If tomorrow,  Muthu disappears from the world, no change would happen to the world. It would be as it is. Few people may feel sorry and feel the vacuum. If no one feels also, it is o.k. Anyhow when I’m no longer going to be there, why worry? Some ask me what if there is a life after I die. I’ll face it then. Why break my head now, as I’m already breaking my head few times a day, everyday due to migraine.

I no longer believe in personal gods, visiting temples, rituals, astrology, ceremonies, and unquestioning faith in another human being called Guru etc. I’ve no contempt for people who believe in these. Let them be the way they are and let me be what I am. After all, variety is the spice of life.

One gentleman got very much offended when I called his Guru a human being. I then realised being human can also be bad in someone’s dictionary.

I’m not an atheist and I’ve absolute trust in God. However my concept of religion may look unconventional.

Paradoxes and polarities are part of all our existence. I’m no exception. That is why I also occasionally differ from Warren Buffet, who is known as sage of Omaha and is mainly responsible for what I’m today. My differences with him have got nothing to do with the extreme regards I’ve for him. Both co-exist.

Likewise, I’m influenced by teachings of Ramana, Nisargadatta, J.K., Ramesh Balsekar, Anthony de Mello etc. But I do not mind differing from them and have my own perspective. In my opinion, these teachers are also human beings, which is not a bad word in my dictionary.

To me religion is very personal, no one can enter my world nor can I enter others. We came alone and are going to go back alone, in the mean time needs to relate to each other for physical, emotional and spiritual needs.

My sickness is also a blessing. I’m able to understand intense pain and suffering. At the moments of severe pain I writhe or cry. Even then there is a space in mind which is quite and accepting. I’m grateful to God for bringing this change inside me. I accept the intellectual fragility and I can never understand God or his designs. I’m comfortable in not knowing also. As I often quote, I don’t even know what I don’t know.

I woke up at 2 am in the morning with intense migraine, popped up a pain killer, decided to do what I like, reading and writing. I cannot call and talk to my friends in the middle of their night!

Stephen Hawking, Steve Jobs etc. shows how one can accept severe physical limitations, be passionate in what they do and enjoy life. I’m a pygmy in front of them.

Mr. God, Thanks for the transformation and the change in the perception you’ve brought inside me. I’m able to completely accept myself with both my good and bad. Your very creation is paradoxical and with polarity. How  can I be an exception? I’ve no complaints and am happy with the life you’ve provided. I realise now that I could not have asked you for more. Thank you.

One Response to “Transformation”

  1. S.Anbarasu said

    Dear Muthu,

    Initially with little bit hesitation, I started to read this. Then something was forced me to read completely. Because, it may same kind thinking I used to have frequently.Anyway it is a reality and we have to accept it.

    Thanks,
    S.Anbarasu

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